Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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