You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
