We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
