jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
