omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
