I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize