hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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