I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
