now i know why i became what i already was.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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