you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize