So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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