I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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