If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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