Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
