You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
