i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
