New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
