Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize