Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
