im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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