i jhust puked up my retainher.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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