Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
