Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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