How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her vagine was all disorganized.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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