It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
