his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
