Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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