sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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