that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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