Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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