ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
