your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize