Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
