dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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