I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
