I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
