i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
