So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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