Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
