thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just google imaged poop.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
