This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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