My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize