I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
