dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
