remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
