I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
