Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
