I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
