"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
