being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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