i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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