why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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