Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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