just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize