Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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