Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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