I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
