No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
