dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There r osticjed everywhere
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
