I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
