there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
