carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She's like a pop up book from hell.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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