How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
