Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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