well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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