I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
