She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
