She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
