i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
