there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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