Whod you bang
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
