Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The uberlube is also flammable
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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