I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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