Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
