even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
