people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
