Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
