listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
