How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
