Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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