..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
