dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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