Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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