I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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