I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
