I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I want is dick and wine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
