Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
