Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
