Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
