Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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