I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
