where am i from again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
