I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
