and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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