She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
