Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
