I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
