she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
