So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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