I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
