so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
