My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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