Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
