Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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