I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There r osticjed everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
