I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
