Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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