I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
