you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a search helicopter?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
