I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
