So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
