Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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