Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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