my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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